What to Do If You're the Culture Problem

Let’s have an uncomfortable conversation — the kind most people avoid:

What if the real culture issue at work… is you?

Not the toxic boss.
Not the broken system.
Not “the team that just doesn’t get it.”

What if the friction, the misalignment, the tension you keep feeling…
…isn’t coming from the culture — but through you?

Sound harsh? Maybe. But stick with me — because this isn’t about blame.
It’s about bravery. The kind that looks in the mirror before it points fingers.

First, Let’s Get One Thing Straight

This isn’t about shame.

We’ve all been “the problem” at some point:

Snapping in meetings
Avoiding feedback
Being defensive when someone challenged us
Micromanaging, withdrawing, overcompensating, or overstepping

Being the problem doesn’t make you a bad person.
Staying the problem because you won’t look at yourself? That’s different.

Signs You Might Be the Culture Problem (Without Realizing It)

Let’s talk red flags — the quiet kind. The subtle behaviors that erode trust, morale, or safety in a team — even if your intentions are good.

You might be contributing to a toxic culture if:

You talk around the problem — but not to the person who can fix it

You know there’s a hard conversation that needs to happen. Everyone does.
But instead of having it, you vent in the group chat. Or in 1:1s with people who already agree with you. You call it “processing” — but really, you’re avoiding.

This is how tension festers. Silence grows. Gossip replaces clarity.

It’s not that you don’t care — it’s that you don’t know how to speak with influence.
So you opt for comfort instead of courage.

You’ve gone emotionally quiet — and called it “being professional”

You’re frustrated. Disappointed. Maybe even a little disillusioned.
So you do what feels safe: show up, keep your head down, get the job done.

No more overextending. No more extra effort. Just the basics.
You tell yourself it’s boundaries. Or professionalism.

But here’s the truth: when you’re in a leadership role, going emotionally quiet feels like giving up — to your team.

They sense the shift. The energy drop. The absence of real presence.
Even if you haven’t said a word, they feel the silence — and they fill it with uncertainty.

Leadership isn’t about always having the answers. But it is about staying in the room.
The only constant rule of leadership? You don’t get to give up. Not on your people. Not on the work. Not while you’re still holding the mic.

You think you’re “communicating clearly” — but people stop listening

You speak up. You give feedback. You’re direct. Maybe even proud of how “honest” you are.

But people flinch. Or check out. Or stop contributing altogether.
And you chalk it up to a lack of initiative, or thin skin, or team underperformance.

But here’s a hard truth:
If people consistently disengage when you speak, the problem might not be their listening.
It might be your delivery.

Real communication isn’t just about saying the right words.
It’s about creating the conditions where those words can be received.

This is where most leaders misunderstand communication. They think it’s the listener’s job to decode their intent. But as author Malcolm Gladwell points out in Outliers, that’s the difference between transmitter-oriented and receiver-oriented cultures:

In receiver-oriented cultures, the burden is on the listener to decode your message — no matter how sharp, fast, or harsh it lands.
In transmitter-oriented cultures, the speaker takes responsibility for how the message lands — not just that it was said.

This is the discipline of leadership:
Speaking in a way that people can actually hear — especially when it’s hard.

And listening, truly listening, is even harder. It requires humility. Patience. The willingness to be changed by what you hear — not just wait for your turn to talk.

If you’re doing all the talking and still feel unheard, you’re not being “clear.”
You’re being loud.

What to Do If You Realize You’re Part of the Problem

This is the hard part.

It’s one thing to read the signs. It’s another to see yourself in them — and not look away.

So what now?

There’s no checklist for growth. No tidy five-step plan for rebuilding trust or re-centering yourself as a leader.

If it were that easy, everyone would do it.

Most people don’t.

Because the truth is, this work is uncomfortable. It asks you to sit in the mess without rushing to clean it up. To stay curious even when you want to shut down. To try again, even when no one claps for you.

And while growth is personal — it doesn’t have to be lonely.

A trusted mentor, coach, or peer can help hold up a mirror when you’re too close to see clearly. Sometimes the most generous thing you can do for your team… is let someone else challenge your blind spots.

Even with support, the work is still yours to do. This work doesn’t just require reflection. It requires interruption — of your own patterns, defaults, and justifications.

Don’t confuse feeling guilty with being accountable. Guilt focuses inward on you, but accountability centers on those impacted by your actions.

Growth is quiet.
It’s internal.
And it’s rarely linear.

Final Word: Culture Isn’t Just a System. It’s a Series of Choices.

You’re not the only person shaping your workplace culture.

But if you’re in the room — and especially if you have power — then you’re part of it, every day.

It’s the feedback you avoid.
The gossip you join.
The silence you let grow.

It’s every time you choose comfort over clarity — or wait for someone else to fix it.

But here’s the truth:
If you’re in the room, you’re influencing the culture — whether you mean to or not.

Because at the end of the day, you don’t lead by title.
You lead by presence.

And if you’re brave enough, ask:
“What’s it like to be on the other side of me?”

Then listen. If you don’t like the answer? Good news: you’re the one who gets to change it.

Because culture doesn’t change when someone finally says the right thing.
It changes when someone decides to live it.

It starts now. With awareness. With courage.
With the question you’re willing to ask — and the version of yourself you’re willing to become.