Adaptive Leadership in Complex Environments: Lessons from the Three Block War and Clausewitz

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Most leaders have a preferred leadership style—an approach that feels natural, proven, and familiar. If an approach helped you succeed before, it’s natural to rely on it again. But that comfort can become a liability.

The challenge is, people often default to familiar behaviors without even realizing it. In the moment, it’s rarely obvious whether a situation calls for consistency or change. Real-world leadership doesn’t come with clear labels. Understanding what’s meaningful context and what’s just noise is one of the hardest parts of the job.

A leader who sticks with a single style is like a general planning for open plains but finding himself in steep, unfamiliar mountains. What once looked like steady leadership can quietly become rigidity—and that’s when effectiveness starts to slip.

Clausewitz and the Leadership Terrain

Carl von Clausewitz famously observed that warfare must adapt to the terrain—mountainous, flat, or a complex intersection of both. These terrains serve as powerful metaphors for the different operating environments leaders face today:

  • Mountainous Terrain represents environments with limited visibility, slow progress, and unpredictable obstacles. In these conditions, top-down control falters. Leaders must rely on decentralized decision-making, delegate effectively, and trust their teams to operate independently. Success here depends less on personal direction and more on empowering others.

  • Flat Terrain offers clarity and speed—clear lines of communication, well-defined objectives, and fewer surprises. This is where strong processes, efficiency, and centralized decision-making can shine.

  • Intersecting Terrain is the most volatile—where mountains meet plains, where teams, functions, and challenges collide. It’s here that leadership becomes most personal. No process or delegation strategy can fully substitute for a leader’s own adaptability, judgment, and presence. This is where the ability to read the moment and adjust in real time matters most.

Ultimately, it’s not about choosing a single style—it’s about recognizing the terrain you’re in, and leading accordingly.

The Three Block War: A Modern Battlefield of Leadership

In his Three Block War concept, General Krulak described how modern Marines might find themselves delivering humanitarian aid on one block, conducting peacekeeping on the next, and engaging in full combat operations on a third—all within the same city, and sometimes within the same hour. The modern battlefield, in other words, demands exceptional adaptability and initiative from its leaders.

Today’s corporate leaders face a similar challenge. In a single day, a leader might need to coach a struggling employee, de-escalate a conflict between teams, and enforce hard deadlines in a high-pressure situation. Each moment demands a different leadership style—empathetic, diplomatic, or directive—and the ability to shift fluidly between them.

The battlefield isn’t neatly divided. It’s overlapping, unpredictable, and often messy—just like the reality of organizational leadership.

The Adaptive Leader: A New Metric for Excellence

We tend to define strong leadership in terms of clarity, consistency, or decisiveness—but perhaps adaptability should be the top metric. The ability to shift style with the situation is not weakness—it’s mastery.

  • In mountainous terrain, the leader empowers.

  • In flat terrain, the leader directs.

  • In the intersecting zones, the leader must sense, decide, and act with precision—and humility.

This fluidity requires self-awareness, strategic foresight, and emotional intelligence. It’s not about being everything to everyone, but about knowing when to pivot—and having the courage to do so.

“Adaptive leadership isn’t reactive—it’s terrain-aware.”

Conclusion: Fight the Right War, on the Right Block, in the Right Way

Leadership is not about finding identity in a leadership style. It’s about sensing which block you’re on, what terrain you’re navigating, and responding in kind. As Krulak’s Marine in the Three Block War must change hats within minutes, so too must today’s leader.

Clausewitz reminds us that no plan survives contact with the enemy—but adaptable leaders thrive amid the same chaos. If you’re clinging too tightly to one style, it may not be a sign of strength—you might be preparing for a war that’s already over.

When Later Never Comes: How We Miss the Life We’re Building

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We all know the story: work hard now so you can enjoy life later.

We think we’re being responsible. Or smart. Or strategic.

Push through today for the promise of some future reward — a vacation, a promotion, a version of yourself that finally gets to breathe. And on the surface, that sounds noble. Responsible, even.

But here’s what we don’t talk about:
Many people build their whole lives for “later”… and then don’t make it there.

They grind for 40 years, and by the time they retire, their health is gone.
They wait for the perfect moment to reconnect with family, and the door quietly closes.
They say they’ll travel when the kids are grown, but when the time comes, they’re too tired — or too disconnected — to enjoy it. And suddenly, we’re left with a strange kind of grief — not for what we lost, but for what we never let ourselves have.

And the saddest part?
It wasn’t because we lacked dreams.
It’s because we were never taught how to hold dual vision — how to live with one eye on the future without losing sight of today.

We lived for the dream. But we missed the life.

The Either-Or Trap

We tend to default into extremes:

  • Live only for the moment and risk burning out, drifting, or making decisions your future self will pay for.

  • Live only for the future and risk missing your actual life while waiting for the “real” one to begin.

Both are forms of imbalance.
Both are fueled by fear:
Fear that you’ll run out of time, or money, or meaning.
Fear that if you slow down now, you’ll fall behind.
Or that if you invest in joy now, you’ll lose your edge.

So we either run ourselves into the ground, or we numb ourselves in distraction — convincing ourselves it’s either this or that.
But what if it’s not?

The Discipline of Dual Vision

Dual vision is the quiet art of honoring both timelines — the one you’re living now, and the one you’re still becoming.
It’s learning to live with one hand on the steering wheel of the future, and the other resting gently in the present moment.

In Japanese culture, there’s a phrase:
Ichigo ichie (一期一会) — “one time, one meeting.”
It reminds us that this moment — right here — is unrepeatable.
Even if the circumstances return, neither you nor those you care about will be the same.
So don’t just plan your life. Attend to it.

Ask yourself, with every meaningful decision:
– What will my future self thank me for?
– What would I regret not truly living today, while I still can?

Dual vision doesn’t mean compromise — it means coherence.
It’s not choosing between your long-term goals and your short-term joy.
It’s choosing intentionally, so that your life expands in both directions — toward purpose and presence.

Paulo Coelho captured this beautifully in The Alchemist, in a story about a boy carrying a spoonful of oil. He’s told to admire the palace without spilling the oil — and fails each time by focusing on only one or the other.

The lesson?
True happiness lives in dual vision.
In seeing the beauty of your life without dropping the responsibilities that sustain it.
In carrying your future in your hands… without missing what’s right in front of you.

Why It’s Hard (But Necessary)

Dual vision isn’t a checklist.
It isn’t “work hard, play hard.”
It’s not about negotiating one more vacation or finally taking weekends off.
That’s just lifestyle maintenance — not alignment.

The deeper truth is this:

Most people don’t struggle because they lack discipline.
They struggle because they’ve never stopped to define what a meaningful present actually looks like.
They romanticize the future.

Holding dual vision means refusing the default.
It requires an uncomfortable kind of honesty — the kind that asks:

If I stripped away the fantasy, what would I need to feel alive right now?

That’s not easy work.
It takes inner excavation, not just planning.
It asks you to name what you’ve been deferring — and whether it’s even yours.

You’ll be tempted to control the outcome.
You’ll want guarantees (see How to Make Better Decisions Under Uncertainty).
But meaning doesn’t come from control — it comes from congruence.
From living a life that doesn’t betray your values in the name of delayed reward.

Because let’s be honest:
No amount of future success will fix the pain of never having shown up for your life while it was happening. And no dream is worth sacrificing every good thing along the way.

If the life you’re building doesn’t make room for who you are now — for joy, rest, depth, relationships —
then what are you building?
And who will it be for?

Final Thought: The Real Work Starts Now

No one will give you permission to live this way.
The world will applaud your output, not your alignment.
You’ll be praised for the grind, not for the boundaries you held.
And no one will notice the moments you protect… except you.

But here’s the truth:

A meaningful life isn’t built all at once.
It’s built moment by moment — in the small, defiant choices to live on your terms.
To name what matters.
To pursue a future worth becoming without abandoning the self who’s already here, asking to be known.

Clarity doesn’t come from vision boards.
It comes from presence.
From asking hard questions and listening without flinching.
From refusing to mortgage today in the name of “someday.”

So, stop postponing your life.
Don’t treat joy like a reward you have to earn.
And don’t assume meaning will arrive once you’ve proven yourself.

Start showing up for both timelines.
Start designing a life that your future self will thank you for —
and your present self will actually recognize.

This is what it means to hold dual vision:

To walk forward with your dreams intact —
without spilling the sacredness of now.

The best future doesn’t cost you the present —
it grows out of the days you didn’t skip.

Ready to Define What Truly Matters to You?

If this article struck a chord, don’t let the insight stop here. We’ve created a set of self-discovery tools to help you get clear on your values, purpose, and what a meaningful present actually looks like — for you.

Explore the Tools

The 5 Career Identity Shifts Every Professional Must Experience

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We talk about careers like they’re ladders.

They’re not.

They’re spirals — winding you back to familiar territory, only with a new level of awareness, value, and power each time.

Careers don’t advance by position. They advance by identity.

The professionals who grow aren’t the ones who climb the fastest — they’re the ones who evolve the deepest.

Here are the five identity shifts every professional cycles through, often more than once.

1. From “Producer” to “Value Creator”

The shift from output to outcomes.

Every career begins with learning how to produce.
But the real shift happens when you stop equating work with the things you make and start seeing it as the value you create.

This is not a promotion — it’s a perspective break.

Signature realization:
“I thought my job was to do tasks. My job is actually to move something forward.”

Why this shift is hard:
Output is easy to measure. Value is not.

If you’re here:
Stop asking, “What should I do?”
Start asking, “What would change if I did this well?”

2. From “Single-Track Thinking” to “Portfolio Logic”

The shift from linear career logic to optionality.

At some point, every professional begins thinking in portfolio logic, whether they ever freelance or not.

You stop seeing your career as a ladder inside one company
and start seeing it as an evolving portfolio of skills, relationships, and bets across time.

It’s architectural, structural, logistical.

This is your career operating system.

Signature realization:
“My job is not my career. My career is the set of capabilities I’m building.”

Hidden danger:
Confusing optionality with instability — they’re not the same.

If you’re here:
Start managing your skills like assets, not accidents.

3. From “Expertise” to “Discernment”

The shift from knowing things to interpreting things.

Expertise tells you what is happening.
Discernment tells you why it matters, what to do next, and what it signals about the future.

This is where professionals become thought partners instead of technical contributors.

Signature realization:
“It’s not enough to be right. I have to be useful.”

Why this shift is rare:
Discernment requires taste, judgment, and the willingness to be wrong in public — which is why most people never develop it.

If you’re here:
Focus on what matters, not just what’s true.

4. From “Contributor” to “Connector”

The shift from doing work to orchestrating talent.

This shift is talked about endlessly — and resisted just as much,
the ability to assemble, align, and elevate talent is the new power skill in modern careers.

You stop being the person who does the thing.
You become the person who brings the right people together to do the right things.

Not a manager. A node — a hub where ideas, people, and action converge.

Signature realization:
“My impact depends on the quality of people in my orbit.”

Why this shift feels uncomfortable:
You relinquish control. You bet on people, not plans.

If you’re here:
Invest in networks, not hierarchies.

5. From “Identity as Role” to “Identity as Platform”

The shift from who you are at work… to what you stand for in your work.

This is the deepest shift.

Your sense of professional identity stops being tied to:

  • a title,

  • a function,

  • or a company.

It becomes tied to a purpose, a craft, or a set of problems you feel compelled to solve.

This is where careers become sustainable, meaningful, and resilient — no matter the job market.

This is your career philosophy and mission.

Signature realization:
“My job is an expression of my identity, not the definition of it.”

Why this shift changes everything:
You stop chasing roles and start building a platform.
And platforms compound.

If you’re here:
Your next question is not “What job do I want?”
It’s “What future do I want to help create?”

Final Thought: Careers Don’t Evolve by Promotion — They Evolve by Renegotiation

You renegotiate:

  • what you focus on,

  • what you pursue,

  • what you won’t settle for,

  • and the impact you actually make.

The professionals who thrive aren’t the ones with the flashiest résumés. They’re the ones who spot an identity shift — and step into a new version of themselves.

Titles fade. Jobs come and go. What sticks is who you become. Each identity shift strips away what you aren’t, sharpens what you can be, and hands you more control over your impact. The ladder doesn’t matter. The spiral does. Evolve, or stay stuck. Your career isn’t built on positions. It’s built on the self you dare to reinvent.

How to Make Better Decisions Under Uncertainty: A Simple Guide to Bayesian Thinking

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When facing a big choice — a product bet, a hiring call, or even a career defining decision — our instinct is to gather more information. We tell ourselves: “We just need one more data point. Then we’ll know for sure.”

But in complex environments, certainty is a mirage. The variables are too dynamic, the contexts too fluid. And by the time you have perfect clarity, the opportunity is often gone.

The goal of decision-making isn’t to be certain.
It’s to move forward with enough clarity to make the next best choice — and be ready to adapt.

That shift in mindset — from seeking certainty to reducing uncertainty — is what separates reactive decision-makers from strategic ones.

Enter Bayes’ Rule (Minus the Math)

Bayes’ Rule is a concept from probability theory that’s simple in principle:

It’s about updating your beliefs as new evidence comes in.

You don’t need formulas to apply it.
You just need to think in terms of beliefs, evidence, and updates.

Let’s break it down with a real-world career example:

You start with a belief:
“I think this new job opportunity could be a great fit.”

Then you collect new evidence:
You talk to someone on the team — and their experience sounds mixed.
You look into the company’s runway — and it’s solid.
You do a values check — and there’s some alignment, but not perfect.

You don’t throw out your original belief.
You update it:
“Okay — this looks promising, but not risk-free. I’m maybe 65% confident this is the right move — up from 50% before.”

You’re not flipping from “yes” to “no.”
You’re adjusting your confidence, step by step, as the picture sharpens.

That’s Bayesian thinking. It’s not about reaching certainty — it’s about staying open, adjusting wisely, and being prepared to act when the signal is strong enough.

Why Most People Avoid Bayesian Thinking

Bayesian thinking doesn’t come naturally.

In fact, there’s a well-documented cognitive bias working against it:
Confirmation bias.

Once we’ve formed a conclusion — even a tentative one — we tend to seek out evidence that supports it, and ignore what doesn’t.

Why? Because it’s uncomfortable to do otherwise.
It forces us to:

  • Admit we’re working with incomplete information.

  • Make decisions without total clarity.

  • Be open to changing our minds.

We’ve also been conditioned — especially in high-performance environments — to believe that confidence equals competence. So we hesitate to say “I’m 60% sure,” even when that’s the most honest and useful thing we could say.

But here’s the thing:

Real-world decisions don’t reward false certainty.
They reward people who adapt intelligently to unfolding reality.

A Practical Bayesian Loop for Better Decisions

You don’t need statistical training to think this way. Just use this simple three-part loop:

1. What do I believe right now?

Get clear on your current assumptions. Don’t wait until someone asks.

2. What kind of evidence would change my mind?

This forces you to define what would reduce uncertainty for you — and what noise you can ignore.

3. What does this new input suggest I should update?

Not “Should I scrap everything?” but “Should I adjust my confidence up or down?”

That’s it.

You’re not making a verdict — you’re making a bet.
And then improving the odds, one iteration at a time.

Why “Good Enough” Is Sometimes the Best You’ll Get

In theory, we’d always have the data we need.
In practice, we often have:

  • Directional signals

  • Partial feedback

  • Imperfect proxies

And that’s okay — if you know how to work with uncertainty instead of fearing it.

The key isn’t to wait for a green light.
It’s to define how much uncertainty you can tolerate — and move forward within those boundaries.

Examples:

  • “We’re 70% sure this feature is worth shipping. Let’s test it with a small group first.”

  • “We don’t have full retention numbers yet, but we have enough early usage data to iterate.”

  • “We’re not certain this hire is perfect, but we know the risks — and we’re prepared to onboard accordingly.”

This is decision design, not just decision-making.

Final Thought: Don’t Be Sure. Be Less Wrong.

Bayes’ Rule teaches us that certainty is overrated — and often misleading.

In a world of ambiguity, the best decisions don’t come from waiting.
They come from moving forward with a clear-eyed view of what you know, what you don’t, and what’s worth learning next.

So don’t ask, “Can I be sure?”

Ask:

  • What’s my current belief?

  • What’s the next best piece of evidence I need?

  • What small bet can I place now that makes the next decision easier?

That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.
That’s what good judgment actually looks like.

How Managers Influence Employee Motivation and Engagement at Work

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Most employees aren’t unmotivated—they’re unsupported. And the person who determines whether they thrive or withers is usually their manager.

When intrinsic motivation is low, it’s rarely because employees don’t care. It’s almost always because their environment — shaped primarily by their direct manager — isn’t giving them the conditions to care.

Every major study on engagement and motivation (Gallup, McKinsey, Deci & Ryan, Google’s Project Oxygen) points to one conclusion:

The single biggest factor in an employee’s motivation and performance is their direct manager.

In other words, the “employee experience” is largely the manager experience.

Executives set vision. Culture sets norms. But it’s the manager who translates both into daily reality — the person who either fuels intrinsic motivation or suffocates it.

Why Managers Are the Fulcrum of Motivation

1. They control autonomy.

A manager decides how much freedom an employee has — to make decisions, solve problems, or shape their work. Even if corporate strategy says ‘we empower employees,’ one micromanaging manager can make a highly capable team feel trapped.

2. They control feedback and growth.

The sense of competence — that people are improving and adding value — lives or dies in the feedback loop. A manager who offers constructive guidance builds mastery; one who only points out mistakes erodes confidence and learning motivation.

3. They control belonging.

Culture feels abstract until it’s embodied by someone’s direct supervisor. A manager who checks in weekly and listens creates trust, while one who ignores personal needs creates isolation—even in a high-paying company.

What This Means in Practice

When organizations talk about “employee engagement,” they often jump to programs — perks, bonuses, recognition platforms, wellness apps.
But the evidence is clear:

You can’t program your way out of poor management.

The manager is the culture carrier.
If they’re not trained, supported, and held accountable for creating environments that meet those intrinsic needs (autonomy, competence, relatedness), the rest is noise.

So, What Should Organizations Actually Do?

Here are the leverage points that turn the intrinsic motivation principle into systemic practice:

1. Redefine the Manager Role

Stop treating management as a reward for tenure or technical excellence.
Train and promote people who want to lead humans, not just manage work.

  • Make “develops others” a core performance metric.

  • Recognize coaching and feedback as business-critical skills.

2. Build Manager Coaching Capability

Most managers never get real training in intrinsic motivation or psychological safety.
Equip them to:

  • Ask open-ended, autonomy-supportive questions.

  • Deliver feedback that builds competence, not compliance.

  • Frame work in terms of shared purpose.

3. Model It from the Top

Leaders must live the intrinsic motivation principles — showing trust, curiosity, and transparency.
Managers mirror what they see from above.

4. Measure Motivation Through the Manager Lens

Instead of only surveying “employee engagement,” also measure manager effectiveness in enabling motivation:

  • Do I have autonomy in how I do my work?

  • Does my manager help me grow?

  • Do I feel connected to a meaningful purpose?

If those three scores are strong, intrinsic motivation is strong.

The Bottom Line

Intrinsic motivation is not an employee trait — it’s a leadership outcome.

When managers:

  • give people ownership (autonomy),

  • help them grow (competence), and

  • connect them to meaning (relatedness),
    motivation follows naturally.

When they don’t, no amount of perks or slogans can fix it.

How to Negotiate Your Salary

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You did the hard part.

You prepped for every round, answered the hard questions, solved the abstract puzzles, navigated awkward “culture fit” conversations. You made a strong impression on your future manager, clicked with a few peers, and even held your own with the wildcard interviewer — the one no one gets along with but everyone has to impress.

You earned the offer.

And now, just when you should be taking a breath and feeling proud, you’re hit with something else entirely:

The negotiation.

You knew it was coming. Everyone warned you.
And now your head is full of advice from every direction:

  • “Don’t be the first to say a number.”

  • “Always ask for 20% more.”

  • “Companies expect you to negotiate — but don’t push too hard.”

  • “Play it cool. No, wait — be direct. But also nice. And strategic. But authentic.”

Your friends have strong opinions. Your family has strong opinions. LinkedIn bros, random blog posts, that one successful former coworker — all of them say different things with the same certainty.

And you? You’re trying to parse the signal from the noise — without blowing it.

The truth is: you’re not underprepared. You’re overloaded.
And nobody has given you a clear way to think about this part.

This post is here to do that — not just for salary negotiation, but for any high-stakes ask in your career. Because if you can learn how to have this conversation, you’ll carry that skill into every raise, promotion, client deal, and job offer from here on out. Not just to help you negotiate better — but to help you stop dreading it, and start owning it.

Why You Feel Weird About Asking

Let’s be honest: a lot of people do rock the boat when they negotiate — not because they mean to, but because they come in unprepared.

They push too hard, too fast. They quote bad numbers. They confuse confidence with combativeness.
So if you feel hesitant to ask for more — that’s not just fear talking. That’s caution. And it’s valid.

You’ve probably seen it go sideways.
Maybe you’ve watched someone ask for something reasonable — but ask it the wrong way.
Or someone walk in uncoached, overreaching, under-informed, and blow their shot.

So now, when it’s your turn, there’s a voice in your head saying:

“Don’t rock the boat.”
“Be grateful.”
“Don’t mess this up.”
“They’ll think you’re greedy.”
“You’re lucky to even be here.”

That voice isn’t irrational. It’s protective.
But it’s also not the whole story.

Here’s the truth:

Sometimes negotiating does rock the boat — but usually, it’s because the negotiation wasn’t done well.

Which is exactly why learning to do it well is one of the most important professional skills you can build.

Because good negotiation isn’t about demanding, bluffing, or winning.

It’s about being clear, confident, and respectful.
It’s about knowing your value, understanding your leverage, and communicating in a way that builds trust — not tension.

When you do that, you don’t just avoid rocking the boat.

You actually help steer it.

And that’s what makes people want to work with you — not just pay you.

Understand the Game (So You Can Play It Without Being Played)

Negotiation is not about being aggressive.
It’s not about being slick.
It’s not even about fairness, necessarily.

It’s about leverage.

And here’s the biggest leverage you have:
The fact that they made you an offer means they want you.

That’s power.

You’re not begging for a job. You’re a solution they’ve chosen.
They’ve done their math, weighed their options, and decided you’re worth the investment.

The first offer they give you? That’s almost never their final number. It’s their safe starting point — the figure they’re comfortable with without risking too much.

And here’s the hard part: you don’t get many chances to practice this.
You can’t truly simulate the weight of it — not in a mock interview, not with a friend pretending to be a hiring manager. The real thing comes with real stakes: money, identity, risk, opportunity. It messes with your head. Your voice gets weird. You forget your lines. You second-guess everything.

And because you don’t get to practice much, you overprepare in the wrong way — stock phrases, bulletproof logic, pitch-perfect scripts.

But here’s what actually makes someone good at negotiating:
Listening.

They read the room. They pick up on tone shifts. They spot the tension, the hesitation, the black swans — the subtle, often invisible variables that change everything.

Maybe the hiring manager is understaffed and desperate to fill this seat.
Maybe the team is stacked with juniors and they’re looking for someone with your experience to lead.
Maybe the role is expanding beyond what was originally scoped — and they know it, but haven’t said it out loud yet.

You don’t uncover that by pitching your worth.
You uncover it by being curious. By asking smart questions. By listening more than you speak.

That’s how you turn leverage into movement.
Not by saying the perfect line — but by sensing what matters most to the other side and aligning your ask with it.

Negotiation is a conversation with stakes.
But it’s still just a conversation.

So What Do You Do With All This?

You earned the offer.
You understand the dynamics.
You’ve started to see that negotiation is less about saying the perfect thing — and more about listening, observing, and responding with intent.

So now what?

Now, you take everything we’ve unpacked and use it to reframe your mindset. Not just for this negotiation, but for every big ask you’ll make in your career moving forward.

Start here:

1. Get Real About What Matters to You

Before you say a word, stop and ask yourself:
What am I actually trying to get out of this negotiation?

Is it the base salary? A more senior title? Remote flexibility? A clearer growth path?
Or are you chasing something fuzzier — status, validation, the sense that you’re “winning”?

Not everything matters equally. Don’t confuse noise with signal.
Separate your ego from your needs. Decide what’s worth negotiating — and what’s just static in your head.

2. Separate Facts from Impressions

You think they’re lowballing you.
You assume they’ll walk away if you ask for more.
You feel like you don’t have leverage.

Slow down. Those are impressions — not facts.

Leverage comes from facts:

  • They extended an offer.

  • They’ve invested time and resources in you.

  • They have a business problem, and you’re part of the solution.

That’s real.
Treat your assumptions like hypotheses, not truth. Ask questions, get curious, and work with what’s actually in front of you.

3. Leverage Isn’t a Weapon — It’s a Map

Leverage doesn’t mean force. It means understanding what both sides want — and what they’re willing to move on.

Maybe they have more flexibility on title than base salary.
Maybe the hiring manager is under pressure to build out the team fast.
Maybe this role was under-scoped, and they know it.

You won’t discover any of that by pitching hard.
You’ll get there by listening — patiently, strategically, like a pro.

4. Slow It Down

Chris Voss says it best: “When the pressure’s on, you don’t rise to the occasion — you fall to your highest level of preparation.”

In other words: slow. it. down.

Don’t rush to respond. Don’t panic-fill silence. Don’t treat this like a game of chicken.

Take a breath. Ask a question. Let it land.
Great negotiators don’t just speak well — they wait well.

5. You’re Not Here to Win — You’re Here to Align

This is not a showdown. It’s a professional alignment exercise.

You want the role. They want you in the role.
Now you’re figuring out how to make that work — for both sides.

So be human. Be curious. Be steady.
No posturing, no pretending.

Just clarity.

Final Thought: Clarity Over Confidence

You’ll still feel nerves.
You’ll still second-guess a few things after the call.
You might still be tempted to skip the ask entirely — just to keep things smooth.

That’s not a sign of weakness.
It’s a sign you understand the stakes.

Because negotiation can go sideways — especially when it’s rushed, reactive, or rooted in ego.
But that’s not what you’re doing here.

You’ve done the work. You’re asking the right questions. You’re showing up prepared, thoughtful, and clear.

And when the numbers are right but the dynamic still feels off — when you’re not being met halfway — that’s when this mindset matters most:

Don’t ask for more unless you have leverage.
Don’t use your leverage unless you’re prepared to walk.

(See: Don’t Ask for a Raise Unless You’re Ready to Walk)

That’s not about playing games or bluffing.
It’s about protecting your energy, your standards, and your future.

Because when you’ve earned an offer — and you have real options — the goal isn’t to squeeze the other side. It’s to find alignment.

And if you can’t? That’s information, too.

You don’t owe anyone an apology for knowing your value.

But you do owe yourself the clarity to act on it — with professionalism, with intention, and without flinching.

So whether this conversation leads to a better offer, a stronger working relationship, or a necessary change in direction, remember this:

You didn’t get here by accident.
You’re not “lucky” to have a seat at the table.

You earned it.

Now negotiate like it.

What Biodiversity Can Teach Us About Career Growth

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You’ve adjusted, adapted, realigned, restructured — again and again. And now, you’re tired. Not just tired-tired. Existentially tired. Questioning-everything tired.
You’ve had more change in bosses than years in the industry. Your team changes shape every quarter. The roadmap you were handed last month? Already obsolete.

Sound familiar?

It’s easy to think something must be wrong when everything around you feels uncertain. Specifically, that the chaos means failure — of leadership, of planning, of direction.

But what if the instability isn’t a flaw in the system?
What if it’s part of the growth process?

A Lesson from Nature

Here’s a concept from ecology that explains more about your job than your org chart ever will:
The Intermediate Disturbance Hypothesis.

In nature, the most diverse, resilient ecosystems don’t exist in calm, untouched conditions.
And they don’t survive constant disaster either.

They thrive under moderate, periodic disruption — just enough to shake things up, not enough to wipe everything out.

A fire clears dominant species, making room for new ones.
A storm knocks down a few trees, and suddenly sunlight reaches the forest floor.
Disturbance creates opportunity — but only if it’s manageable.

Too little change, and one species takes over.
Too much, and nothing has a chance to establish.
But in the middle? Things get interesting. Things grow.

That “middle” is where ecosystems evolve.
And — whether you like it or not — it’s where you are.

What If This Is Just the Middle?

When everything at work starts shifting — new leadership, changing priorities, roles in flux — it’s easy to label it chaos.
To assume something must be broken. To start looking for the exit.

And sometimes? That instinct is right.
Not all disruption is healthy.
Toxic leadership, chronic burnout, directionless thrashing — that’s not evolution. That’s erosion. (See: How to Deal with a Bad Boss)

But here’s the paradox:
When everything looks great — when the status quo is working just fine for those in charge — change rarely happens.
The people with power aren’t usually inspired to make room.
Ideas don’t get airtime. New voices don’t get invited in.

Some change is uncomfortable — but in the mess it leaves behind, we sometimes find the chance to build something better.

So ask yourself:
Is this dysfunction? Or is this disturbance — the kind that leads to something better?

What This Looks Like in Real Life

I’ve been handed those situations — the ones no one wants.
The ones that have been mismanaged for too long, where expectations are high, and clarity is nonexistent.
Where you’re not set up to succeed — just expected to not let it fail.

On paper, it looks like autonomy.
But really, it’s abandonment with a deadline.

And yet… that’s often where the real growth happened.
Not because the system believed in me — but because the system ran out of other options.
And in the vacuum left by neglect, I had room to move. To lead. To rebuild.

Those weren’t ideal conditions.
They were chaotic, high-pressure, and unfairly timed.
But they surfaced something I might not have found otherwise:
A deeper kind of capability.
A voice I hadn’t used before.
A level of ownership no one would’ve given me when things were going smoothly.

Not every outcome was perfect. But almost all of them sharpened me — revealing what I needed, what I could do, and who I had to become to do it.

This is what real-life disturbance looks like:
You get handed a mess.
You’re not sure if it’s a compliment or a setup.
And still, you choose to make something out of it — because that’s where the opportunity lives.

So, If You’re in It Right Now…

If you’re standing in the middle of a mess you didn’t create — a critical project in crisis, a role that suddenly expanded without permission, a system cracking under its own weight — it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.

This isn’t the clean version of growth we like to imagine.
It’s the real one.

There may not be clear direction.
There may not be applause.
But there is space — space that didn’t exist before.
And space, however uncomfortable, is where things begin.

You don’t have to romanticize the chaos.
But don’t rush to escape it either.

Because sometimes, the storm isn’t the end of the story.
It’s the clearing that makes the next chapter possible.

So take a breath.
Look around.
And ask yourself — what wants to grow here, if I let it?

Managing Upwards: How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge

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We often hear about “managing people.” But rarely do we talk about what might be the trickiest management task of all:

Managing your manager.

It sounds counterintuitive. Isn’t it their job to manage you?

Structurally, yes. But functionally, the best relationships work more like a partnership than a hierarchy.

Because here’s the truth: even the best leaders have blind spots, competing priorities, and limited time. Waiting to be perfectly managed is a great way to stay stuck. If you want to grow, contribute meaningfully, and stay aligned — you need to learn how to manage up.

And that doesn’t mean sucking up or silently overperforming.

It means learning to lead — even when you’re not in charge.

What Managing Up Isn’t

Before we get into the how, let’s get clear on what managing up isn’t:

  • It’s not manipulating your boss to get what you want.

  • It’s not being a “yes” person.

  • It’s not pretending to agree when you don’t.

  • It’s not quietly resenting them while trying to “outsmart” their weaknesses.

Managing up is not about control.
It’s about ownership — of your time, your impact, your communication, and your part in the relationship.

Why Most People Get Stuck

It’s easy to assume people avoid managing up because they’re afraid — of overstepping, being seen as difficult, or highlighting a manager’s flaws. And fear does play a role.

But more often, the real issue runs deeper:

Most people have never learned how to operate outside a traditional, top-down power dynamic.

They’re used to seeing power as something that flows downward — not something that can be shared, navigated, or co-created. Their working model of power is hierarchical, one-sided, and inherited by title.

French and Raven’s foundational work on the five bases of power helps explain this.

Most people over-index on three forms of power:

  • Legitimate power (authority from position)

  • Reward power (control over resources)

  • Coercive power (ability to punish or withhold)

When someone else holds these, it can feel like the only available role is compliance. Defer, agree, stay in your lane.

But power isn’t just vertical — it’s also relational.

The other two bases — expert power (influence through skill) and referent power (influence through trust and respect) — aren’t granted from above. They’re earned and exercised from wherever you sit in the organization. And those are the forms of power that matter most when managing up.

So people get stuck — not because they’re weak, but because the only “map of power” they’ve ever been given is one where the manager is the driver, and they’re just a passenger.

But managing up requires a new map — one where you don’t need to control the steering wheel to help shape the direction.

The best employees don’t just follow orders.
They understand power differently.
They partner, navigate, and lead — even from the middle.

Principles for Managing Up Effectively

1. Understand Your Manager’s Context

Before you try to influence up, ask:
What pressures, constraints, or priorities is my manager dealing with that I might not see?

Chances are, they’re juggling multiple agendas — from personal goals to team dynamics to broader organizational demands. If you don’t understand the landscape they’re operating in, your efforts can land off-key, even if your intentions are good.

As negotiation expert Chris Voss puts it: “When bits and pieces of a case don’t add up, it’s usually because our frames of reference are off.”

Managing up means adjusting your frame to better match theirs — not to pander, but to communicate in ways that resonate with their current reality.

🔍 Pro tip: Pay attention to what your manager emphasizes, repeats, or reacts to. Those are clues to what matters most in their world.

2. Be a Solution Broker, Not Just a Problem Reporter

Managing up isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about bringing the right inputs to the table.

In Smarter, Faster, Better, Charles Duhigg introduces the idea of knowledge brokers — people who don’t just invent ideas, but connect them. They synthesize perspectives, surface insights from across the organization, and bring clarity where others bring noise.

That’s a powerful lens for managing up. Because sometimes, the most valuable thing you can offer your manager isn’t a solution you came up with on your own — it’s a well-rounded, thoughtfully curated view of the problem and potential ways forward.

Broker that knowledge into options your manager can engage with:

❌ “We’re stuck, and I’m frustrated.”
✅ “After checking in with the team and hearing a few different takes, I’ve narrowed it down to two viable paths forward. Want to talk through them?”

3. Clarify What Success Looks Like (Early and Often)

One of the most common failure points in managing up is assumed alignment.

You think you understand what matters. Your manager thinks they’ve communicated it. Then work moves forward — but not necessarily in the right direction.

As JFK said:

“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.”

Alignment isn’t just about deliverables — it’s about shared perspective. And that starts by asking questions that invite your manager to think out loud — not just give instructions.

Try asking:

  • “What’s keeping you up at night?”

  • “What would ‘nailing this’ actually change?”

  • “What are the tradeoffs you’re weighing?”

  • “If we fail fast here, what should we be learning?”

  • “What does this really unlock for you — or the team?”

These questions do more than clarify scope.
They surface context, pressure, and intent.

And that’s what helps you shape work that matters — not just work that gets done.

4. Adapt to Their Communication Style (Without Losing Yourself)

Every manager has a preferred rhythm:

  • Some want bullet points. Others want context.

  • Some want daily updates. Others prefer once a week.

  • Some want Slack messages. Others need email.

You don’t need to change who you are — but adapting how you communicate can prevent friction and build trust.

Proactive framing helps:

“I’ve noticed you prefer brief check-ins. I’ll start keeping my updates tight unless you’d like more detail.”

5. Push Back with Curiosity, And Tactical Empathy

Disagreeing with your manager isn’t disloyal. In fact, it’s often essential. But how you do it is everything.

It doesn’t mean sugarcoating. It means naming their perspective before offering yours. You’re showing that you get where they’re coming from — and that you’re building on it, not tearing it down.

Here’s the difference:

❌ “That won’t work.”
✅ “That’s an interesting direction — I think I see where you’re going. I’m curious how it might play out if [X] happens. Want to game that out together?”

You’re not there to win. You’re there to deepen understanding, stress-test ideas, and refine the path forward — together.

Final Thought: Influence Doesn’t Need a Title

Leadership doesn’t require a title.
It requires ownership, discernment, and courage.

Managing upwards is one of the clearest tests of all three.

It’s not about perfection — or politics. It’s about building the kind of relationship with your manager where alignment is frequent, communication is honest, and progress is shared.

In other words: it’s about showing up like a leader, even when you don’t have the final say.

It’s about being the kind of partner that makes better leadership possible.
No permission required.

What Milgram’s Experiment Tells Us About Remote Work Culture

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The debate around remote versus on-site work has often focused on productivity, flexibility, and culture. But beneath all the surface-level arguments is a more subtle — and more human — concern:

How does physical distance affect our sense of responsibility, empathy, and connection to others?

To answer that, it’s worth turning to one of psychology’s most unsettling studies: Stanley Milgram’s obedience experiment.

The Real Lesson from Milgram’s Experiment

In the 1960s, Stanley Milgram conducted a study to understand obedience to authority. Participants were instructed to administer what they believed were increasingly painful electric shocks to another person (an actor) when they answered questions incorrectly.

But the most revealing part wasn’t just that people obeyed — it was how their willingness to inflict pain increased as the distance between them and the victim grew.

  • When the “learner” was in the same room, participants hesitated.

  • When they could hear but not see them, they continued more easily.

  • When the victim was completely remote, obedience rose significantly.

Milgram concluded that distance makes it easier to disassociate from the consequences of our actions. Less visibility = less empathy. Less connection = more compliance.

So What Does This Have to Do With Remote Work?

Let’s be clear: Remote work has unlocked flexibility and widened access like never before. But it’s also introduced new blind spots — particularly in how we relate to one another. The psychology holds:

  • When we don’t see our colleagues face to face, we may be less attuned to their stress, burnout, or frustration.

  • When decisions are made via email, not meetings, we may not fully grasp their impact.

  • When we never “bump into” someone, we lose the micro-interactions that build trust and mutual understanding.

Remote work lowers friction — but unless we deliberately compensate, it can also lower empathy.

The Risk Isn’t Obedience — It’s Disconnection

Milgram’s experiment doesn’t mean we become monsters when we work from home. But it does suggest that distance can erode the emotional cues that normally keep us grounded in empathy, accountability, and care for others.

This is especially important in roles that involve power — whether you’re a manager giving feedback, a product leader making tradeoffs, or an executive restructuring a team.

When you’re remote, it’s easier to treat people like functions instead of humans. Decisions can feel abstract. Pain can become invisible. And good people can make harmful decisions simply because they don’t feel their consequences.

So Is On-Site Better?

Not necessarily. Being in the same room doesn’t guarantee empathy either — proximity can still coexist with disconnection.

But physical presence gives us more opportunities to notice, to sense, to check in, and to read the unspoken signs. It helps humanize colleagues who might otherwise fade into boxes on a screen or names in a Slack thread.

That matters — not because culture is fragile, but because empathy is context-dependent. And the less context we have, the easier it is to miss what someone else is carrying.

Building Empathy Into Remote Work

If we’re going to embrace remote or hybrid work — and we are — then we have to stop hoping that empathy will “just happen” across time zones and screens. Proximity once made it easier to feel what others were feeling. Now, empathy has to be designed into the system.

That starts with understanding something deeper: we’re social creatures because of the chemistry that drives us. As Simon Sinek explains in Leaders Eat Last, our ability to collaborate, empathize, and stay resilient together is shaped by four key neurochemicals. Some of that can be encouraged at a distance. Much of it can’t. Oxytocin — the chemical that builds trust — isn’t triggered by strategy docs or thoughtful Slack messages. It’s released through touch, eye contact, physical presence, and shared vulnerability. You can’t download that.

So we have a choice:

  • We can pretend that thoughtful systems will keep people feeling seen, supported, and safe.

  • Or we can admit that nothing replaces human connection — and design everything else around that loss.

We Don’t Need More Systems. We Need More Courage.

Courage to say: this isn’t enough.

Courage to close the loop with people who are suffering — even when it’s awkward, slow, or outside your scope.

Courage to be emotionally present when the screen makes it so easy not to be.

And courage to admit that some parts of leadership — the most important parts — cannot be done from a distance without loss.

Because Empathy Doesn’t Scale. It Shows Up.

The chemicals that make us human don’t care about your tech stack.

Milgram’s experiment reminds us that distance dulls empathy.
That’s not an argument against remote work — but it is a warning.

Because if we stop feeling what others feel, we don’t stop being human.
We just stop acting like it.

The real question was never “remote or on-site.”
The real question is: how do we stay human when proximity is gone?

How to Set Meaningful Goals (That Actually Stick)

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Let’s be honest: most goal-setting advice feels like it came out of a PowerPoint template from 2006. SMART goals. Vision boards. KPIs. Synergy. Yawn.

(Okay, sure—some of these can be useful. But admit it: your eyes glazed over as soon as you saw them listed, right?)

Here’s the reality: setting goals that actually mean something—goals that make you feel alive, motivated, and grounded—is brutally hard. Not because we’re lazy or unambitious, but because real goals demand something deeper than productivity hacks. They demand honesty.

So why is it so hard to set meaningful goals—and how can we actually do it in a way that sticks?

1. We Confuse “What We Should Want” With What We Actually Want

We’re surrounded by noise—career ladders, social media flexes, expectations from family, friends, and LinkedIn influencers. It’s easy to end up chasing things that don’t really belong to us.

Sometimes, we even reach those goals—get the promotion, the title, the bigger paycheck—and then feel… off. It’s more common than most people admit. You land the role you thought you wanted, only to realize it demands a version of you that doesn’t feel right. Or it comes at the cost of something you didn’t realize you were sacrificing.

What looked like success from the outside turns out to be misaligned on the inside.

What to do:
Start by asking a painfully simple question: “What do I want, really?” Not what your boss wants. Not what sounds impressive. What matters to you—even if it’s messy, unconventional, or hard to explain.

2. We Mistake the Glamorous Path for the Right One

Here’s something most people don’t talk about: the path that leads to the most meaningful—or even wildly successful—outcomes often doesn’t look impressive at the start.

We default to the well-lit routes—climb the ladder, follow the blueprint—because they’re proven, praised, and easy to explain. But sometimes the “proven path” isn’t ours to follow. And chasing it leads to a conclusion that doesn’t fit who we are.

Ironically, it’s often the detour—the unexpected or even unwanted shift—that unlocks something bigger. Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank were fired from a home improvement chain during a corporate shakeup. Instead of getting back on the same track, they started over—co-founding Home Depot and redefining the entire industry.

What to do:
Start questioning the path, not the destination. Are you chasing someone else’s version of how to “get there”? What if the work that feels unconventional, unproven, or risky is actually the thing that would take you further than any polished plan?

3. We Think Meaningful Goals Have to Be Big

They don’t. Not every goal has to be a moonshot. In fact, the most meaningful goals are often deeply personal and wildly unglamorous: Get 8 hours of sleep. Finally call my brother. Say no to one thing this week. Often, the goals that actually change our lives don’t show up as lightning bolts. They show up as patterns. Habits. Quiet, daily decisions.

The problem? Most people don’t have a motivation problem—they have a system problem. (See: You Don’t Have a Motivation Problem. You Have a System Problem)
Because here’s the truth:

“You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
— James Clear, Atomic Habits

You can dream big all day. But if your systems are reactive, if your calendar owns you, if you’re constantly playing catch-up—then you’re not building toward your goal. You’re orbiting it.

What to do:
Start small. Build systems that move you forward even on the days you don’t feel inspired. That might mean keeping a career journal to track what’s working. Or setting aside time each week to think—not just react. Or doing something once a month that stretches you beyond what your current job requires.

The leap doesn’t matter if the loop is broken. Stop waiting for the big idea. Start with something small that matters. Progress isn’t a TED Talk. It’s a series of quiet decisions made when nobody’s watching.

4. We Underestimate How Much We Need to Unlearn

Many of us are running mental scripts we didn’t write—about success, worth, productivity, or who we’re allowed to be. This isn’t something a new planner or time-blocking strategy can fix.

In Zen in the Martial Arts, Joe Hyams recounts a lesson from his teacher, Bruce Lee, who tells the story of a student who came full of opinions and knowledge. Before beginning the lesson, the master poured him a cup of tea—and kept pouring until it overflowed. The student protested, “It’s spilling over!” And the master replied, “Exactly. You’re too full. You must empty your cup before you can learn anything new.”

Most of us are walking around with overflowing cups—too full of old assumptions to make space for something real and meaningful.

What to do:
Before you set your next goal, empty the cup. Question the default settings. Who gave you that goal? Who benefits from you chasing it? What if the version of success you’ve been taught isn’t actually yours?

You’re not lazy or lost. You might just be full of the wrong expectations. Make space for something true to show up.

5. We Forget That Clarity Comes After Action, Not Before

We wait until we feel ready. Until we have a perfect 5-year plan. Until inspiration strikes. But clarity isn’t a prerequisite for action—it’s a result of it. You figure out what matters by trying things, making mistakes, and adjusting as you go.

In Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions, we discuss how even the most capable people get stuck not because they’re unprepared—but because they’re waiting for a moment of certainty that will never come.

“Fear doesn’t announce itself. It disguises itself as logic. It says,
‘Now’s not the time.’
‘You should wait until it’s clearer.’
And before you know it, you’ve chosen safety over self-respect.”

The truth? Every meaningful decision happens in the presence of fear. If you wait for it to disappear, you’ll delay the life you’re meant to build.

What to do:
Don’t aim for certainty. Aim for alignment. Pick a direction that feels honest—even if it’s incomplete—and take the smallest brave step forward. You can’t think your way into clarity. You have to move your way into it. Every meaningful decision is made in the presence of uncertainty. Sometimes, clarity follows courage.

So How Do You Set an Honest Goal?

Here’s a simple framework. No acronyms. No corporate fluff.

  • Name what matters. Not what sounds impressive. Not what makes sense to your LinkedIn network. What actually matters—to you? (The Interactive Principles Explorer is a good place to start)

  • Make it embarrassingly small. What’s the tiniest version of that goal you could act on this week? (If it feels too big to start, it is.)

  • Expect resistance. Confusion, self-doubt, second-guessing—none of these mean you’re on the wrong path. They mean you’re on a real one.

  • Commit loosely. Trade rigidity for responsiveness. Clarity sharpens with movement.

  • Celebrate the showing up. Don’t just track outcomes. Track effort. Momentum compounds quietly.

This isn’t about “crushing your goals.” It’s about creating a relationship with your future that’s built on truth—not performance.

Because meaningful goals aren’t about proving something. They’re about discovering something—usually something bigger, deeper, and more alive than what you started out chasing.

Jennifer Sincero put it this way in You Are a Badass:

“Your calling will light you up and might terrify you at the same time.”

That’s the paradox of real goals: the most powerful ones don’t come wrapped in certainty. They come with a pulse. A pull. A quiet knowing that doesn’t always make sense yet—but refuses to go away.

Start small — not because your dream is small,
but because even the biggest transformations begin with motion.

Stay open. Take the next brave step.
Not because it guarantees success.
But because it aligns with something true.